I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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