i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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