i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He shit in the fireplace
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
