he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
