I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
