it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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