I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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