Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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