you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
