just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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