At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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