I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
