god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
