Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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