i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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