Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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