well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
being pregnant is like rehab
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
