May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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