just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i love accidental penises.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
