just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
