So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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