I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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