I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
someone owes me an orgasm
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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