after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
