someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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