my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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