Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
