I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
