I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
