my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
