When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
