Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
