I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
