I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A+ Viking dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
