Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
