Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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