And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am available for nakedness
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
