I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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