Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
