Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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