Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
