I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
