somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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