If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
