Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize