I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
