so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
