please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
