we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
