This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A bitchslap is in order.
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