You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
