I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
