it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
