Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
