can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Pooping to opera.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
