Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
