Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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