I wanna passion pit in your ass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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