Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
