Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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