so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
