I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
