they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
