If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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