They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
