I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
