We named our party play list daddy issues
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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